i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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