you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
