So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
