You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
