11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
