Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
