I'm jealous of your bromance
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
