ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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