he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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