I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
