dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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