i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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