The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
