I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i think i just lost a toe
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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