so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
