Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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