I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
