Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Who died my cat blue again?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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