Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
