my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
two words...techno handjob
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
