I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
