the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
