would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
