If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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