you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
