The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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