the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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