his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
