yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
