looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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