I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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