So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
