Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
