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Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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