So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
