The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
