Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Im part way to drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
