Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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