Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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