i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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