erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
