you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
