M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
