And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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