hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
