Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am one with the molecules
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
