I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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