Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
