shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
