im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
