OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
