Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
